Conflicted on 5th April – should I celebrate or commemorate?

Father, daughter, grandfather

Today is my beloved little daughter’s 10th birthday – she is gorgeous and perfect and an absolute blessing. I wrote two years ago on her eighth birthday about the magic she brings into my life and how much she means to me.

Today is a day of thanks and gratitude. Today is a happy day.

One year ago today, my mentor, my rock, my father passed on. I think about him every day and remember him often. I also tried to put in words my regrets, my helplessness and my inextinguishable pride in him on this very page.

Today is a day of contemplation and remembrance. Today is sad day.

Yet today I experience a mix of elation and depression; today I recall ecstatic joy and choking gushing emotions; today I seek silly laughter and quiet solitude. Today I’m very conflicted.

It’s a cruel twist of fate, or an irony of time, that the arrival of one life and the passing of another – both so dear to me – are pinned at the same spot on what should be an arbitrary calendar, but remains inescapably anchoring.

Perhaps the answer is to embrace both sentiments, maybe the tears and giggles should flow with equal fervour. Today I will hug my princess and remember my dad, I will relish her spirit and cherish his memories; I will celebrate her life and commemorate his existence.

Today is special.

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